Links roundup – Brewers, Chad Ochocinco, Texas Sucks and an Elephant

Not a lot of original material in this one. In fact there’s really basically none.

But it’s the end of the week and here’s a collection of links and vids that amused, concerned, caused me to think, and made me horny.

I’ll let you decide which ones did which.

(in no particular order)

If you click only one link, make it this one – Tiger Woods is whiter than I am.

Student news paper publishes salaries and people lose their shit. I don’t know why but reading the comments just brought a huge smile to my face. Faculty is pissed off that their salaries, most of which is paid for by the public, is now out in the open. Tax payers are pissed because educators are making so much. Makes for great reading.

CNN writes how Apple can succeed with the iPad. – I’m on the fence until I see some killer software.

How to get more done – Personally I might just get a prescription for Aderal

For my fellow RealGM’rs – Guy posts on rival message board, administrator gets the IP and tracks it to his company, original guy gets in deep shit, message board people everywhere shit themselves. Also, Buckeyes are douchebags.

Deadspin and the Brewers – Will Leach previews (not really) the Brewers. Those who hate LaRussa will be amused.

Texas being Texas – Can we just let Texas secede from the Union? It’s a big state. I’ve been there three times. There’s plenty of room for all the backwards-ass ignorant morons from states like Mississippi, West Virginia, etc. How about they just move to Texas and form their own country.

FUCKING ASSHOLES – Texas can have the tea-baggers too.

Equal parts awesome and gross – Elephant gives birth

The only thing missing from the tourney so far – This is the best thing of all time. Gus Johnson is now going to narrate the rest of my life. Or at least the rest of the Tourney.

Lastly, I’m going to share with you the words of wisdom from Chad Ochocinco. Via Twitter:

– Yall ever seen a chick with a nice pair of heels but its like 3 inches of room left in the back because they aint her size, BORROWED

– Remember when you took the time to study for a test and was cocky as hell the next day cause you knew you was gone ace that shit?

– Remember when you put on that new outfit, new shoes with a lil cash in yo pocket and u had a car wash–couldn’t nobody tell u shhh!

– Remember when you finally got the courage to holla at the chick you been liking in school n she agree to go out with you n yo SWAGG CHANGE

– Remember when you used to get loud on purpose just to get her attention in school but she never paid yo ass no mind? *handraised*

– Remember when you got a haircut and felt like you was GODS GIFT to women? Something bout a haircut just make you feel GREAT

– Remember when you saw the chick you liked and you walk by and pretend you don’t see her knowing damn well you got a crush on her?

– Fellas- you know that feeling when you got on that fresh outfit, haircut ,new shoes and 20 dollars for u and her mcdonalds, #BALLIN

– LADIES- you got your hair done, brand new dress, with yo accessories,shoes with the purse to match with no money<–dudes buy drinks

– #ilostmyvirginity a long time ago and I can't find the chick who took advantage of me!!

Enjoy the weekend, go Bucky.

A woman can have the same effect

My first round of golf yesterday started the same way it ended five months ago. With a mammoth drive and some guy behind me saying, “Holy shit…”.

I was playing alone so the twosome on the first tee-box let me start ahead of them. I hadn’t taken a swing since October. When I stepped up to hit I had to give the obligatory warning that the the drive could be pretty brutal.

“Hey man, we’re all in the same boat today,” one of them said. “It just means we get to laugh at you first”. Har-har-har…

After I hit a piss-rocket that sailed over the green on the 292 yard par four, they stood there, mouth agape, while I said, “Thanks fellas, have a good round”. Moments like that are just one of the many reasons I love playing the game.

There aren’t a lot of guys out there who can consistently hit the ball like I can. I’ve only played with two, my dad and my brother. Like most kids, I mimicked what my dad did when I was little. Well, my dad has one of the sweetest golf swings this side of the PGA. When he put clubs in my hand when I was three years old, his was the swing I copied and it’s largely remained unchanged since then. Combine 25 years of repetition and muscle-memory and you get a golfer who can hit the ball further than almost anyone else who steps on the course.

It’s such a mental game, maybe more so for me. I don’t focus on my shots. I don’t line up yardage or take wind into account. When I’m golfing I’m not focusing on golf. I’m thinking about everything peripheral. Like I described much earlier in the blog, I’m susceptible to some really shitty golf. If I’m in a crap mood or I’m stressed or I’ve been destroyed by my job it’s going to manifest itself into some abysmal shots. Physically everything looks the same with my swing; the ball just doesn’t obey. I don’t know how else to explain it.

Yesterday could have gone either way. For one, it was the first round of the year and not a lot is going to go right after a five month layoff. The second thing was my recent romantic interest. It had been the very definition of an up and down weekend with her and while if ended great, you never know the effect a woman is going to have on your golf swing. She’d been on my mind for days and it’s not like I can turn that off when I step up to hit a shot.

Hell, I wouldn’t want to.

Golfing alone, iPod playing tunes in my earbuds, walking eighteen holes might be my favorite thing in the world to do. It’s two and a half hours of just being alone with my thoughts, enjoying great weather outside, nothing else to worry about in the world. It works wonders if I want to blow off steam or get away from whatever’s burdening my mind. Pissed off at my job? Golf 18. By the fourth hole my game will be so shitty I’m no longer thinking about asshole clients or frustrating code. Instead I’m dwelling on how I could have possibly hit two straight in the pond and missed an easy four footer.

But like I said, a woman on your mind can be a positive or a negative. No way to predict it until you take that first swing with an iron.

I stuck it. Par three, 160 yards, I pulled the nine and dropped one six yards from the pin. My game didn’t let up the rest of the evening. I went par, par, birdie, par, par, birdie over the next six holes. I’m lucky to have a run like that in the middle of the summer on my 40th round of the year. What I did yesterday was Brandon Jennings going off for 55. When I got home in two on a long par five (with a six iron none the less) I giggled. Some of my shots yesterday were just stupid.

It’s a nice feeling when your mind is 100 miles away and you’re still able to roll a shitty course on your first round of the year.

It’s gotta be the woman.

Mill Run

Lupe, Roger Ebert, inspiration and Abraham Lincoln killing vampires

1 – I’d never heard of this author or the book before, but now I really have to read this.

2 – By now most people have heard about the Esquire piece on Roger Ebert. It’s pretty awesome.

But what I didn’t know is he’s on Twitter. I started following him late last night and I’ve come to the conclusion that’s he’s basically my idol.

3 – For my guy pals, it’s worth a look

3b –

A short-brimmed fedora is heroic and hip. And you might have noticed, they’re also back in style—whether in wool (for the winter) or straw (for the summer).

My lovely pal Danielle says it’s ok if I take full credit for bringing this back.

4 – So I know in my last post I said that fictional television isn’t going to enlighten you. I never said it couldn’t inspire you, however.

Our Content department has been hit with massive turnover in the last six months. None of the people who worked as content specialists when I arrived at SP are here any longer. They all quit. Not only that, but the people that have been hired to replace them have quit.

It’s a bitch of a job, and one that I want.

Two weeks ago I went to our CFO. I mentioned to her that I’d heard yet another Specialist turned in his two weeks. It left us with only one person in a department that really demands at least three. Being a former English major and more than capable of handling both Flash and Content duties, I suggested to her that I could help if I was needed. She gave me a, “Thanks. We’ll think about that.” response and I left her office knowing full well that, no it wouldn’t be considered.

This is typical. A lot of companies will preach change and that they need ideas and they need their employees to do more. In the end, a lot of it never happens despite the best intentions of the workers. Months ago we had a company wide meeting where we came up with plans to change our processes for the better. I was encouraged. That happened in January and I’m still waiting on the follow-up. Very little, if anything, has changed. The meeting was mostly bullshit.

So when I had this talk with the CFO and told her how I could be useful, I didn’t really expect anything to come of it.

Fast forward about a week. It was around 1:00 am and I was starting to fall asleep to an episode of House. In it, one of the doctors wanted to do clinical trials. He asked House if he could take on this added responsibility. House said no. At the end of the episode the doc tried again, only this time he didn’t ask permission, he flat told House he would be doing the trials. House said sure, go ahead. Confused, the doc asked why it was now alright. House said that when he said no, it was because he was asked. This time around he just did it.

The light went on in my head.

The next morning I got to work and crafted an email. Not to my boss, but to the company president. I didn’t ask for an expanded role, I more or less told him I’d be taking it. I elaborated as to why. “I’ve been doing this for almost a dozen years”… “I’m the best writer on your staff”… “I’m an expert in our admin with knowledge of…”

I didn’t get a response. Not for three days, at least. When I did get one it was a mixture of appreciation and shock. Management didn’t even know I had any writing ability. They didn’t know what my program in college was. They didn’t understand that in my previous jobs I was not only expected to do Flash work, but also handle email campaigns and do design and write copy and code web pages.

Well, they know now. And I’ll be starting in Content in the coming weeks.

5 – My newish role here left me a little more encouraged. I’m also seeing a few of my coworkers follow suit for their own reasons. I’m noticing a shift. People are doing less talking, less discussing, more doing. If they see a need for a change in a process, they’re just adjusting and working a solution in on the fly instead of taking it up the ladder and hoping for a response. I like it.

5b – I extended my lease. I want to see where this is heading. The Cities can wait a bit longer.

6 – Guys, I gotta share with you the easiest meal you’ll ever make. This is for my pals who aren’t cooks who rely on frozen pizza and takeout.

Buy a slow cooker. You can get a serviceable one at Wal-Mart for under $30 bucks.

Next, the ingredients.

Go to your local butcher or meat show or a good grocery store. Look for about 2.5 lbs of sirloin tip roast. Find a leaner cut of meat, one without much fat.

3 bakers potatoes
Frozen peas
Frozen corn
Two packages of McCormick beef stew seasoning

Chop up the meat into 1 inch by 1 inch pieces and add it to the cooker.

Add four or five chopped celery sticks and four or five carrots sticks.

Chop up about a half a yellow onion and add it.

Peel, chop and add the potato.

You only need half of what’s in the two bags, so add that and save the rest for another day.

Add one of the packages of seasoning and give all the ingredients a toss with some tongs. Repeat this with the second package.

Add about a cup and a half of water.

Cover with the lid, turn the cooker on to the Slow setting, and forget about it for the next six hours. When the time’s up you get this:

Beef stew

So. Fucking. Good. And it’s more or less the easiest thing in the world to make.

7 –

Lupe Fiasco

When it comes to music, I’m usually either really early on a band or artist or I’m really late.

I was pretty late on my latest musical obsession. I abhor the state of major label hip hop, but I absolutely love Lupe Fiasco. A few weeks ago I started listening to “The Cool”.

It’s awesome. Best hip-hop album I’ve heard since God Loves Ugly.

Standout track, “Streets On Fire”